hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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