I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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