I wish my penis had an off switch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my poor anus
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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