I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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