I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize