I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
