my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
