What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize