I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
