So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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