Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
