I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
