Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
