ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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