I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
