Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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