Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
