we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
