the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
