I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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