Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
