Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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