Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
