If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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