I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she peed on how many people?
it glows. i had to have it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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