Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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