If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize