I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
