found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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