I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
