dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
