i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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