Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
