I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
