I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
