So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
