Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
