Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
