Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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