we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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