i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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