Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
