I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am naked and annoyed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
