is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i will never coherently bang her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
