Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
