I'm going to jail i love you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
