do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
