i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
