i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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