hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
