I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
