In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
