This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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