I can tuck mytits in my pants
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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