I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
