I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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