all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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