SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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