I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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