If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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