Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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