soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
