You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
