Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
