He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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