....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
