All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
