the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize