we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
