Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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