need another drink. this is the easiest way
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
