I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
