some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
