I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
