All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
