did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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