I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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