Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
