She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
