so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
