Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize