i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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