I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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