I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
