she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
